Brain-Rain.

How my dog is out to get me.

I own a small dog. Her name is Candy. This is her, here:

I walk her everyday, and she often tries to embarrass me. She barks at strangers and frightens children. She digs up neighbor’s gardens. She tries to eat dead things. Standard dog activity.

The neighbors know her. But as soon as I let someone else walk her, I hear that someone was petting her, saying “Oh, she’s so well-behaved now!”

Seriously, Candy? Why do you do this to me?

(She has a Twitter, by the way: @Candy_The_Dog)

I’m hopelessly single in my dreams too.

Last night I had a dream that I was at my high school prom (with no date of course.)

The whole dream consisted of my just wandering around the fancy building, walking in and out of the bathroom stalls and down the hallways to keep myself occupied, for some reason ignoring the fact that I was at the goddamn prom. At one point I think a stopped a terrorist attack or something, I’m not sure, that part’s a little hazy.

But I went back to the big ballroom and met a random guy I guess I knew (who I guess I had liked for a long time even though I have actually never seen him before) and he started holding my hands. It was cute, he started kissing my hand and shit.

So I started leaning in to kiss him, what was to be my first kiss at the time, and he flinched away and started yelling at me “DON’T SPOIL THIS NIGHT. NO. DON’T SPOIL PROM FOR US.” and I was like “SORRY I JUST THOUGHT YA KNOW THAT-“ 

And then I woke up.

You guys I love you. I love every one of you.

Okay I posted that Shark Week comic just before I went to go to the store, and it had gotten about 10 notes, which I was pretty happy about.

I come back and check on it, not expecting it to have much more, and it had 525+ notes.

THANK YOU GUYS. I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE IT.

[EDIT: OVER 1,000?! BRB CRYING TEARS OF RAINBOWS AAAH THANKS GUYS ;o;]

[EDIT AGAIN: AH GOD I WAKE UP THIS MORNING AND IT’S OVER 5,000?! YOU GUYS MY HEART CAN’T TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS. ;w;]

[ANOTHER EDIT: LORD YOU GUYS ARE TOO MUCH. IF THIS THING HITS 10,000 I’M GOING TO LOSE CONSCIOUSNESS.]

I’m honestly frightened right now.

So I was just playing Team Fortress 2 because I am boss at it and I decided to play as the Sniper for the first time. It was actually pretty fun and I got some good head shots.

But then I inexplicably get this voice message from someone on the other team. I’m like “what the hell does this guy want?” because I never get messages.

I have to turn my volume all the way up, because it’s this kid’s little voice mumbling for 30 seconds and then it is cut off.

Voice: “emmummen sniper ebnummemmng the knife an um you emmumme-“

Me: